Tuesday, November 4, 2008

One of those moments...

hey. it's a beautiful day here in Cairo, sunny, warm and perfect weather, a perfect November day really.

we went to the club for a walk. (have i told you about "clubs" here? i think i may have. so yes, they are member only country clubs, i guess you'd call them- a first for me, but it is very popular and almost everyone belongs to one. some more expensive/better amenities than others, they have sports, walking tracks, tennis, etc. )

anyway, we did a few rounds walking around the track, then went to the clubhouse for a rest. in front of us, oh about 10 feet or so, was the cutest little girl and her mom and dad. the parents were facing foward, their chair backs to us, and of course this little precious girl was facing us. smiling and waving her hand, yes right at me. i waved back and made some funny faces, she giggled.

i held back my tears....

i have had a few of these moments from time to time. this one today was strong. a feeling overcame me and i thought i may never have a son or daughter of my own. i did not let my husband see my feelings, i tried to think of something else, i just didn't want to talk about it.

you guys know me, mrs. positive, always thinking that the day will come, and it may come, God Willing, but today was one of those moments that i know so many of you have had and one of the moments i try so hard not to let happen as there are kids EVRYWHERE here.

so i'm ok again now, it passed.

but man, when i think it may just not be meant for us to have children of our own, its a thought that makes me shake. we have been trying for soooo long and we are thinking of ivf number 6 soon, i am damn scared. i am so scared it will not be a success, yet again.

but then, mrs, positive comes back (yes, she's here now) and all thoughts go to what is meant to be will be and there is nothing i can do to chnage that. i am okay with that. (i am really, just weakness of being a good old human being that gets the best of me sometimes.....)

so just felt like ventinmg thats why you guys are here right? love ya all so damn much man!

in other news...how excited are you for elec.ti.on night? i am so excited! the major coverage will start here like 11pm for us, so that would make it like 4pm on the east coast. we are going to stay up all night, well i am, not sure if dh will join me, but he may. we watch c.n.n international here and a.l j.aze.era english and b.b.c world, so combined it will be like we are back home won't it?

i voted a few weeks ago via email, how cool is that? i printed, signed and scanned my ba.llot and affivi.davit and sent off to my home state electronically.

do you know that i am so not into pol.itics at all really, never have been. but i, like so many i think, have really got interested in this elec.ti.on this time. its too important not to.

it is time for ch.an.ge indeed.


  1. Those feelings of hopelessness tend to come over me more and more frequently these days. But, we are in control of our own destinies too.

    Hang in there. But when you can't, we're here for you.

  2. Change we can believe in, indeed.

    And *hugs,* I'm glad the moment passed.

  3. Love to you man! Always here for you.

  4. I feel the pain and wish I was there to hold your hand whilst you were going through those emotions.

    Keep going, Mrs Positive. I know it's a toughie, but know that we're here for you, holding your hand tho some of us are very very far far away.... but still listening.


  5. It's been a while since I was in the midst of fertility treatments, but I still do remember those painful moments very well. hang in there.

  6. Man, IF makes me so bipolar. I try to be positive and focus on what I can control, but those moments that sneak up and hit you? Sigh. I hope things get much more positive for you.


  7. I know those feelings. The ones that just creep up in those beautiful little moments when you least expect them. Huge hugs.

    We are all here for you every step of the way. Much love.

  8. Hey girl,

    Just stopping by to say hello. Hope all is well with you guys!

    Always praying...


  9. I stumbled onto your blog a few weeks back and I do enjoy reading it. I have been a silent lurker.

    I have been married for 9 and 1/2 years and we have been trying for a baby for 6 years or more. I totally understand the pain and those moments that creep in some times - of total helplessness. I try my best to totally surrender to God, but yes, "those" moments do come up.

    Hang in there, and I hope your dreams come true. Good luck with IVF #6.

  10. believe it or not, i get those moments from time to time. Of course, I have my daughter (after five years of waiting for her) But after the long wait, what should have been joyful was terror as I was told that she had suffered brain damage in her early months.

    Like you, I chose to cling to faith and fight till I get what drives my heart.

    But sometimes, I take her to the park and see how different she still is and it makes me sad. It tears me up. When other kids want to play with her and she just doesnt get it...

    But I refuse to quit. I know she is my miracle, and I know that I cant base the future on what today looks like.

    Keep believing. Till the very end. We will have our miracle babies...

  11. My dear friend, my dreams for you are as strong as ever. It has to be so hard to be positive one hundered percent of the time and so accepting of your situation and history. I am amazed you don't seem to get down or bitter more often.

    I'm sorry that the teaching did not work out as you had imagined, but it seems as though you accepted that and moved on well. I hope whatever lies around the corner for you is all that your heart desires.

  12. Hw are you? Hope you're doing ok.

    Huge hugs.


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