Monday, August 31, 2009

Seeing double while sweating

Just got back from another evening sweat walk to the souk. I went alone, Super S is outside visiting with friends and we needed some yogurt, so I thought good chance to take an evening stroll.

On my way back home two girls about 10 years old, holding hands, smiling, dressed in matching fucshia dresses walked by me. They were identical twins.

I thought about their mother, did she have to do IVF, did she struggle with infertility, or did twins just run in their family?

I thought about our 7 transfers. I thought about the 7 times that we could have maybe had twins. Maybe identical too. The thoughts that occupied my mind while walking, were of my babies. The babies that I never had, the babies that I long for, the babies I pray and wish for every day.

Maybe, just maybe someday i can dress my girls in fucshia dresses too.


  1. I hope that your wish comes true soon and one day you can dress your own girls in fuschia, or girl, or boy, except maybe not the fuschia on the boy...
    Thinking of you.

  2. Allah ta'ala has a plan. You will have your little boy(s) or girl(s). Perhaps that was a sign. Making du'a for you always.

  3. You're going to be a wonderful mother. Praying you have those babies very soon.


  4. Oh Dear,
    thanx so much for your mail; this post of you distresses me somehow!
    You are never relaxed in this baby case, but you wrote so happy when you informed us about the kittens and your cats in general...
    You should finally relax a little and don't think about kids anymore; to have them is super and they give life a meaning, still there are other things in this world, too, that are worth while and I don't want you to loose sight on those. Kids do not only bring joy, but also tons of worries, kids are not only to dress them in a fuchsia dress and looking sweet; they can turn out completely different as you expected...this can be hard and upsetting!
    I honestly hope that you can calm down and be yourself again! Enjoy your days and keep it cool and you will see it will change much to the better! Have a lovely new week!
    Northern Greetings

  5. Awww how sweet! I wish for your dream to come true. I believe it will come true.

  6. I believe you will one day be a mother. Just hope it will be sooner rather than later.
    Many HUGS.

  7. Hi there. Thanks for your comment on my blog. I hear you on seeing twins and wondering if the mom had fertility issues. I do that too. I always want to say-I had fertility issues too! (But wouldn't be good to say if the mom just had twins in her family!) I hope you get your two fuschia dresses one day!

  8. Love you. I'm praying too.

  9. I also hope that your dreams will come true.

  10. It's so hard to be reminded of what's NOT there.

    May those dreams already be on their way to coming true, somehow.

  11. Okay, have you changed your template, or I have been just ignorant of it all along?

    I loved your post because it talked to my heart, and the way my thoughts have got channelized.

    There is so much that runs through our heads just looking at one thing. I am so sorry that your journey has been so hard.

    Amen to your wish of dressing your girls in a colour, I especially adore for girls!

  12. salam alaikum sis,

    I've given you an award, come by my site to pick it up.

  13. I think twins in fucshia dresses is a lovely dream! I work at a zoo and often see Mums and twins come through the gate - it makes me think the same. It causes such strong emotions..longing,dreaming and wishing. You are in my prayers my friend! I hope and pray your time will come very soon! ((hugs))

  14. i will wish in fucshia for you...

  15. I have had these same thoughts. Things take on a different meaning after so much struggle in the IF world.

    Just wanted to leave a link for your friend Beatrice. She sounds sweet and likely means well, but I just wanted to throw this out there for a better understanding of life with infertility. I hope this isn't out of line...Coping with Infertility: How Family and Friends Can Help

  16. I always think that too when I see twins or more, I wonder if the mom and dad had problems with TTC and it makes me smile. Even if they didn't have problems, I like to pretend they did and they got their sweet babies out of the deal.

    Always wishing you the best of luck and hoping for your miracles, your 2 babies in fuschia. Only, if they're boys, maybe teal? ;)

  17. What a beautiful and moving post. Wishing you your heart's desire!


  18. Praying hard for you my dear.

  19. oh wow - what a beautiful post.. i realy really really hope this happens for you.. you are an amazing woman!


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