Tuesday, July 11, 2006

A midnight visitor

Last night I am watching a movie, around 12:45AM, I hear "meow, meow" look at my screen door and there it is...the infamous cat we all love. I have decided to call it Sherbert. My DH calls it Useless, thanks to a certain someone, hum, hum, Mr.O, thanks alot. So it meowed a little and went back to its favorite place in our garden under the bushes to sleep I guess, too cute.

Last night we went looking for flooring for our new kitchen ( our new house being built here to be ready in August they SAY, this is a whole 'nother story, might tell it sometime) Anyway, bought some. They're very large sized tiles, very cool, hard to explain, have like vine-like design ingraved into them, like a taupish-grayish color with some hints of brown again weird, cool but stylish I think they'll be nice.

Thinking about IVF2 again...we may go for round two in August. All my friends here are so optimistic, saying they heard a frozen cycle, compared to first fresh one works better. They know people who's second round here worked for them. They are doctors at heart, I know, God Bless em.

See, here in Egypt, people hold on to the hope of many wise tales. I mean I guess we all do to some extent, but here it seems mulitplied times a thousand. They hear such-and-such and put so much hope into it being true, me I am a bit more skeptical, but its cute hearing them say these things, and it does inspire a little bit of hope in me too, so its all good.

1 comment:

  1. I understand how you feel. I tend to be optimistic, but i find sometimes that i have some core automatic negative thoughts, like i'm unworthy of ivf working out. But i've been working on changing that because on a fundamental level that's really kind of offensive to God. Whether ivf will work out and we'll have a baby is really God's domain. It's my job to guard my thoughts and have a good opinion of God and His response to my prayers. On some level though i feel that i should just accept that i will never have kids. I should just accept this as "God's will." But it's not God's will because i dont know if He will give me children in the future. And to assume that He wont is to have a negative opinion of Him because only God knows.

    Anyway, all i'm trying to say is eat chocolate. ... No, but i just had to stick my appetite into the discourse. But really, it's very hard to submit your heart's deepest desire to anyone let alone to the feet of God's thrown. It's very hard to submit your want so deeply and utterly, exposing your vulnerability and risking it all, knowing very well that your request may be unrequited. It's so much easier to bypass all that potential pain and assume or "accept" your so called fate.

    But when i have done that in the past, i realize now, i cut myself off from the true benefit and comfort and prayer.

    May all our prayers be answered.

    God bless you.


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